Jimmy’s Quest – Part II

Here is part two of my story. I just realised that my story is not very well structured. If my English teacher were to read this, he might faint or something because he was a DRAMA QUEEN. Not really though, he was the best damned teacher I ever had. On with the show:

It is not July any more, it is now November. Several months have passed since our story begun. Has anything actually happened to our little Jimmy you may legitimately ask. Well yes, in fact plenty of things have occurred and I bet you would love to know what it is that has happened. As I had mentioned previously, Jimmy’s purpose in life has changed. For you see, Jimmy had what is commonly known as a life changing epiphany moment when he was peeling a banana for the monkeys (Jimmy works at a zoo). He suddenly realised that he does not know what it feels like to be loved. Jimmy is capable of loving, he understands very well the emotions associated with loving. He loves many things, he loves Sir Hooty McHoots III, he loves it when peanut butter clings to the roof of your mouth, he even loves his primate tending job. Jimmy is a boy skilled in the art of loving. However none of the things he loves loved him back. This sobering revelation instilled in Jimmy a feeling of extreme melancholia. Jimmy knows he is very good at loving, he finds it to be very easy, he is always falling in love with things. Being loved on the other hand is a concept which he does not understand, he has never experienced it before. (Jimmy is an orphan, his parents did not love him. He was not adopted when he was at the orphanage. He has NEVER been loved.)

On the night of the life changing epiphany, Jimmy could not sleep. However this is quite normal for Jimmy as he is an insomniac (this is the reason he got a nocturnal robot, however the family of owl which he purchased is one of the few non-nocturnal owls). At around 4.26 am Jimmy decided to quit the job he loved. Instead he is going to look for someone or something to love him. That shall be his new purpose in life, he thought to himself. And so begins the most important journey in Jimmy’s life – the quest for love.

Pictured: Bad Role Model

The very next morning Jimmy got on his camel and began his search for the one or the thing that would love him. (Jimmy’s camel is called Lumps “The Humps” O’Flynn. This camel is a great role model for children. He does not smoke, do drugs or disrespect his elders. However it is important to note that he does not love Jimmy. He maintains a very professional relationship with Jimmy. The terms of this relationship are very clear. Jimmy provides The Humps with shelter, sustenance and shoes. In return for all these nice things he brings Jimmy to places that he wishes him to go. You might think this arrangement to be cold, but it works.)

Jimmy reckoned that the first place to start looking for the one who loves him should be the book store where he purchased his fragrant copy of the Qur’an. It is here that he met Julia. Julia is a girl of Russian descent who grew up in the north of France. Julia has shoulder length blonde hair, when she smiled (which was quite often) two very sweet dimples would magically appear on her rosy cheeks. She had the most soothing French accent when speaking English (curiously she sports a coarse English accent when speaking French).

“Hello, my name is Jimmy and I have a problem.” announced Jimmy in a solemn tone.

“Are you looking for self help books? They are located on the second floor in between the travel guides and marketing textbooks.” replied Julia in that pleasantly French accent of hers.

“Oh no!” cried Jimmy, “I am afraid you are mistaken. I am not looking for a book…well maybe I am, I am not quite sure. I am looking for someone or something to love me. Are there books that are capable of love?”

Julia clutched the copy of Alice in Wonderland she was shelving close to her chest and let out a thoughtful hum. She titled her head upwards slightly as if to recall a name she had forgotten. “Je suis desolée,” she finally replied in that cockney English accent of hers, “but I do not know of any book that can do that. Now that you mention it though, I do think someone should write a book like that. Imagine the good it could do!”

“Oh!” cried Jimmy hopefully, “Do you have need for such a book as well? I mean maybe I could help you out . I know I am not a book. But I am a boy and I could love you. I am very good at loving, I have been doing it ever since I was very young. And then maybe you could love me back because I would like very much to know what it feels like to be loved.”

“Sacre bleu (French people never say this, but Julia is Russian-ish so she did)” gasped Julia, “I’m afraid this time it is you who is mistaken. I’m loved by my tall and impossibly handsome boyfriend and I already love 150 different things. I can’t possibly love anything else for it would dilute the quality of love I have for the things that I already love and I can’t bring myself to commit such a heinous act. However I guess you could love me, if you wish, but I can’t love you back. But you should not do that, unrequited love can be quite painful.”

“I see.” blurted Jimmy in a dejected tone. He let out an awkward smile and said “What you just said made plenty of sense, however I have decided that I will love you even if you do not love me back. I imagine being loved is a nice thing and I want you to have nice things happen to you.”

Julia smiled, “You really are a sweet silly little boy, I had advised you against loving me, but still you persist. You sure are reckless. If you are looking to be loved then may I suggest that you look for it on the internet? I hear that this internet is modern man’s greatest invention – it’s got facebook, lolcats and chatroulette. Personally I don’t care for it, after all, all of the world’s knowledge can be found in books. And I can touch books but not the internet. However I have heard of cases where people found love on the internet, maybe you could give it a go?”

“I’d rather not,” replied Jimmy, “I hear the internet is filled with strange people posing as people whom they are not. I do not think I would much enjoy meeting a person who is not really him or herself, that would confuse me. Anyway, I think I will be leaving now. Farewell and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your life.”

Anita bowed and waved Jimmy goodbye as he shuffled out of the book store unceremoniously.

“Hey there The Humps, it seems that I have failed in my quest to find someone (or something) to love me. However I have not given up yet. I could probably continue and go somewhere else, but I am worried that you may be tired, hungry or thirsty. Some people mistakenly believe that those great big humps store food and water, but I know that is not true. You store nothing but fat in those appendages of yours, in a very strange sense, what you have are a pair of hairy, non lactating breasts…on your back. I am not judging the evolutionary path that your species has taken, do not be so sensitive (The Humps had let out a disapproving groan), just observation. Besides I think they are very pleasant and voluptuous. I know you do not love me, but I still love you humped or humpless. So, do you think we should head home now?” asked Jimmy, whilst massaging The Humps’ humps. The Humps let nodded his camel shaped head and knelt down. Jimmy leapt skilfully onto The Humps and the two of them headed into the horizon towards Jimmy’s room.

Jimmy is having a financial crisis. He has ran out of money. Quitting his job was not a smart move. (Jimmy does not have any savings because he does not trust banks. The idea of saving money, he thought, was a scam dreamt up by bankers to leech off the savings of others. Jimmy had reasoned that the best use for money was to spend it on nice things such as black forest gateau.) He needed money to buy some essential very items. First of all he had ran out of camel food. The camel food which The Humps eats is very very expensive. The Humps is descendant from a family of camels which served the royal family of Saudi Arabia. The royal camels are fed very well, the camel food made for them is of the highest quality. However the ingredients used are in short supply and once camels have had a taste of this camel food they will not eat anything else. The name of this camel food is crackenoellia, there is an old Arabic adage for camels which says: Once you go crack, you never go back.

Secondly Jimmy was running out of robot food for Sir Hooty McHoots III. Like crakenoellia, robot food is very expensive. The pet robot selling company in Jimmy’s town was a very greedy and evil company. They came up with a devilishly evil business model which was as follows: The pet robots themselves were sold at a relatively low price, in fact the, the company makes a loss on each robot that they sell. In addition to this, the villainous company also made the robot pets super cute; so cute that they are irresistible to all but the most heartless of bastards and even then these heartless bastards would buy them from fear of being chastised for being heartless bastards. The low price coupled with its super cuteness naturally attracted plenty of customers. However the robot food which is also manufactured by the company is sold at a criminally high price. In order to stop their robots from starving to death, people had no choice but to buy the food. Whenever the evil board of directors wanted to please its shareholders it would release a robot disease such as robot cancer or robot Hunter syndrome (mucopolysaccharidosis II). The latter example was particularly scary because it caused the robot pet to believe that they are a robot sent from the future to terminate a certain person who will be deleterious to the welfare of robots in the future. The company would then sell a vaccine to the very diseases they created themselves in order to earn more profit. No one liked this company, it was a dick company.

Also Jimmy was running out of human food for himself.

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