Jimmy’s Quest – Part IV

Part 4 is finally here. But where is part 1-3? Check out the Jimmy’s Quest page above. ^

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There are bumfit sheep here, I think.

Jimmy was finding it very difficult to fall asleep (because he is an insomniac. Pay attention!). He tried counting sheep but it did not work as he was using the Yan Tan Tethera sheep counting system instead of the usual numerical system. Unlike the numerical system, the Yan Tan Tethera counting system only went up to jiggit. He was still asleep even though he had counted to jiggit. Jimmy tossed and turned to no avail, his struggle for 40 winks or maybe even 80 winks was causing him a considerable amount of discomfort. Jimmy was beginning to think that he was Australian for it was day time in Australia when Jimmy was trying to sleep. Jimmy decided that a short leisurely perambulate and some fresh air might lull him into a deep sleep.

Jimmy left his room, taking great care not to wake Sir Hooty McHoot III or Lumps “The Humps” O’Flynn from their power charge and slumber respectively. Jimmy took a nice deep breath of fresh night air as he vacated himself from his room, this however served only to wake him up more. Jimmy was beginning to hope that maybe this stroll will allow the Norns or probability to bring the one who loves him to him. Unfortunately the three sisters of fate and mathematics were not so kind on this occasion, they instead delivered to Jimmy an impossibly good looking spectacled Asian man who was yawning and scratching his tender pale skin. The man was very well dressed save for the glass shaped bulge in his pants.

“Stop!” cried the Asian man in a strange accent. His English was good, but it was very difficult to tell for sure where this person learnt his English. “I have some very important information for you, Jimmy, information that will change your life forever.” Jimmy was surprised that the strange man knew his name, he was about to ask the man how he knew this when the man interrupted his train of thought and said “I know many things about you Jimmy for I am God, also you are wearing a name tag.”

“God?” gasped Jimmy in disbelief. “That really is quite blasphemous of you. Wait…did I inadvertently do some drugs or maybe I am already asleep and this is a dream or nightmare.”

“Speaking as God of your universe I am not offended at all by asserting that I am God. Your scepticism is not unwarranted. Here, let me conjure some gale force winds to prove to you my god credentials.”

“You can do th…” began Jimmy incredulously, “um…can you stop blowing me?”

“Blowing on you, there is a whole world of difference.” cried the mystical character in an officious tone. “I can see that you are still not convinced. What else can I do to prove my powers? I know. I shall reverse time.” The man snapped his fingers and shouted “time wizardry” in a deep tone. “It is now yesterday in France and much of continental Europe.”

“Are you not just exploiting different time zones in order to confuse me into thinking that is yesterday? I must say, I am quite disappointed.” quizzed Jimmy in a querulous tone.

“Please do not take that tone with me, I am God. Also don’t say I must say, I am disappointed. Just say you are disappointed. The I must say just makes you wearisomely verbose. In any case, I shall perform the ultimate god party trick; I shall turn water into wine!” As the self-proclaimed deity finished his sentence he gingerly whipped out a cup of water from his pants, spilling some of the contents on his left leg. “Boy am I glad I did not change it into wine yet. Red wine stains are frustratingly difficult to get rid of and dry cleaning is just so expensive.”

“I know what you mean.” said Jimmy whilst nodding in verbal agreement. “Have you tried Jean Baptiste Jolly Dry cleaners? They have very reasonable prices. But I find that soaking the stain in warm water immediately and then dabbing the stained area with a hydrogen peroxide and water solution. This works well for white clothing.”

“Oh really? I must try it sometime. But back to my miracle. Please turn around and close your eyes. Don’t turn around until I say so.” ordered the man in a slightly authoritative tone. Jimmy obeyed dutifully. It was then that he heard a short zipping noise and a steady stream of water followed by some dripping noise. “Turn around, Jimmy. I have completed the miracle.”

Smells very un-ammonia-y

“Wow,” cried Jimmy as he saw that the glass had been replaced with a pale yellow wine like liquid. “A bona fide miracle indeed! May I please have a sip? I am finding it difficult to get some sleep, maybe I can get some rest if I were slightly inebriated.”

Just as Jimmy was about to reach for the glass of wine, the man jerked the glass away from Jimmy. “No, you cannot have any of this sweet nectar of Dionysus. I have an insatiable god thirst right now. All mine”. And with that he started chugging the contents of the glass with a grimace on his face. “Yum…chardonnay-y.” Jimmy was quite disappointed not to have sampled the wine, but it was then that he noticed that the man’s fly was undone.

“I beg your pardon your Holiness, but your crotch zipper is undone.”

“Oh, yes I knew that. I had it undone for ventilation purposes. My crotch zone. It is very hot. Seeing as you now believe that I am God, I have some very important information for you. You are going to meet a very lonely person very soon.”

“Is it Akon?” interjected Jimmy, “I hear he is very lonely, all on his own.”


“Kim Jong-il? He is so lonely.”

“No not him neither, he is not lonely, he is mad. Please don’t interrupt. You will meet a very lonely person soon and you will lose something dear to you in the near future. However with loss comes the opportunity to find that which you seek.” And with that the man disappeared into the bushes.

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2 Responses to Jimmy’s Quest – Part IV

  1. I’m caught up! I like your writing style and am enjoying the story. Sometimes I think you could lose the camel, but I’ll withhold judgement until I’ve seen more.

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