The population of the earth will balloon to 7 billion by the end of 2011. I do not know what you think but my view is that the number is too high. If you think we are having problems supporting the current population of humans, the problems are just going to keep getting worse. Our limited resources are being severely stretched (and poorly distributed). The price of food is rising at a rapid rate. In fact things have become so bad (in truth things have always been bad, what I meant was worse) that a considerable amount of people are being pushed into poverty. What should be done about this? Should we stop speculators from toying so fecklessly with food prices? Should we prevent massive corporations from hogging and buying vast plots of arable land? No, because in free capital markets, capital should be allowed to flow to areas which the markets deem to be most profitable. What we do need is more size zero women. In order to achieve their dangerously low body weights, these women have to eat less food. Hopefully the lower demand in food would cause the price of food to fall to such a level as to allow starving families to purchase modest amounts of grain to fill their bloated stomachs (paradoxically caused by extreme starvation).
Solving world hunger merely relieves the symptom. The disease is overpopulation. How do we cure that? Should we decimate our population by randomly killing one out of every ten person? Though this solution is fair, it offends our accepted standards of morality. Should we plan meticulously and devise a solution to overpopulation through better use and allocation of our resources? No, because that is just too damned hard. Here, again size zero lifestyle brings hidden benefits as it seriously fucks up the practitioner’s anatomy. Women need a critical amount of body fat to store oestrogen and other hormones. Without these essential elements women stop ovulating, how boss is that? Not only would eating little next to no food solve a world problem, you can also save on contraceptives. For these size zero women there will be no pregnancies, EVER, to ruin your svelte, bony body shapes. Talk about win-win-win!
Now before you accuse me of being a woman hating woman hater, may I just say that I am not arguing for size zero lifestyles for my own benefit. I am just playing devil’s advocate; skinny women are my LEAST favourite thing in the world. Because…
Stalkers are nice people really…
I do not think I have ever been stalked, but if I have, may I be the first to congratulate my stalker on doing such a wonderful job? My understanding is that stalkers do not want to be found out that they are stalking by the object of their stalk. I think that is how it works, I am not sure. So if you are out there Mr/Miss Stalker: well done.
Yes, never been stalked but I imagine I would quite enjoy being stalked because, come on, I am the type of person who maintains a blog (ish) about myself; it is not beyond the realms of imagination to perhaps suggest that I enjoy the attention of my fellow human brethren – that is demonstrably not farfetched. I have heard people complain about their stalkers, they think it is creepy, they find it weird and they view stalkers as an invasion on their private lives. And that is fine; there is merit behind those arguments, but what about the nice things that having a stalker advertises? Do stalkees ever stop to consider them before they apply for a restraining order?
To be honest I quite enjoy the idea of being utterly worshipped by someone who is slightly insane. I would derive a not inconsiderable amount of Machiavellian pleasure from exploiting this poor person’s hopeless devotion towards me. I would happily invite these people into my life and have them wash my cups; I have a lot of dirty, filthy cups (metaphor alert: cups = fetishes, wash = indulge). I have never stalked either but I imagine one must really be enamoured and stricken to go as far as to stalk someone. When you think about it, being stalked is the ultimate compliment – to be stalked the person must see in you some sort of otherworldly beauty, charm or presence. Can you think of a better way to express these compliments other than stalking? A card really does not have quite the same impact as a proper stalk which requires time, dedication and perseverance.
Now that I am thinking about it, please stalk me. Someone, anyone! But not the type of stalker that stalk because they want to kill the object of their stalk. That type of stalker I do not want. Dying is my least favourite thing to do (but is dying not another word for living, semantics really). Stalking in itself is not the problem; the problem is the stalkee does not want the attention of the stalker because they usually view the stalker in an unfavourable light. And that truly is tragic, the absolute disgust that people have when someone they dislike expresses love or desire for them (something that I have felt and in retrospect feel guilty about). The idea of thinking that someone so beneath me can dare to love me – what an inconsiderate prick I was. A stalker is not a repugnant, horrible excuse of a human being; they are just misguided creatures who have been spurned by the object of their desire. Is that really a crime? If the stalker succeeds in capturing the heart of their stalk, then the process would have been called courtship. Semantics.